Balancing on Two Feet: A Day in the Life of Oopsie Daisy

I would just like to add this little forward: This might not be the most entertaining post in the history of the world, but it is more interesting than anything I could possibly post about myself (since i just found my summer rut...which means that i do the same, not-quite-so-exciting thing day in and day out). So i apologize if this isn't your cup of tea, but i thought that it would be a smidge more entertaining than hearing about my routine. And besides, a huge part of my day is spent with Oopsie...attempting to mend the relationship that i bruised when i left her when i left for Provo. Anywho...

Generally, Oopsie wakes up before I do. She scratches incessantly at the rounded corners of her deep blue, 50 gallon rubber-maid container until I am conscious enough to crawl to the end of my bed and flick on her UV light. However, the burst of illumination only deters her for a moment. She continues to scuff at the edges of her bin, adding to the layers of scrapes already present in each corner. By the time I have enough clarity of mind to roll out of bed and ready myself for the day's activities, she has worked her way up to a standing position, propping herself up against the corner with her neck stretched out as far as it possibly can be. This gives the comical image of an orange balancing on two toothpicks - she is bound to tip over any time now. But she never does. Quite the contrary, actually. She continues to make all kinds of noise until one of two things happen: 1) Either I take her out of her bin and let her roam free (in my bedroom or outside) or 2) I put some very distracting vegetables as far away from the corners as possible.

Due to the fact that Oopsie has gained quite a bit of weight in the past few months (thanks go to doting caretakers who love to watch her eat and don't have time to take her on walks), I generally go with the first option. 

There is one thing that you absolutely must understand about Oopsie before we go any further: She is BY FAR the MOST CURIOUS creature I have EVER met in my life. I never thought that a tortoise could have a personality, but fortunately mine does. She cannot sit still for two seconds if there are new, or even old things to see and places to go. She only stops long enough to poke her nose at an object, to sniff at it and decide that it's plain old boring or that it smells good enough to qualify as food (regardless of the fact that it may be an electrical cord, a baby's pacifier, a stinky sock, or a rock stuck in the cement).  

Now, I'm not sure how familiar you are with how tortoises walk, but for those of you who don't spend at least 20 minutes a day watching a tortoise tromp down the sidewalk, try and get this picture in your head. Oopsie's weight is kinda really awkward, mainly because of the curves of her shell and the skinny-ness of her legs. In order to walk, she has to swing her legs wide enough to get around the shell, but quickly enough that she doesn't fall down. Because when Oopsie walks, she balances on two feet. She moves her front right and back left leg simultaneously, and then she swings her front left and back right legs just in time to break her fall. Every step is like a trip: very wobbly and very uncoordinated. 

The best place for Oopsie to walk is outside on the concrete so I don't have to trim her nails later. That, and she really loves going outside. As soon as we get close to either of the doors that lead outside, she starts wriggling with excitement. And then, as soon as her feet touch the concrete, she's so excited that she breaks into a "run". And I must say that it is supremely entertaining to watch Oopsie try to run because on top of speeding up the uncoordinated madness, she stretches her neck out as far as it can possibly be stretched. It's almost as if she thinks it will help her move more quickly. And the funny thing is: it does. Oopsie, who is roughly 5 1/2 inches in diameter, can "run" as quickly as a long-legged man can leisurely stroll. (which, for a tortoise, is supremely impressive)

After a very vigorous 20 minute walk full of attempts at snagging speedy June bugs, walking into the neighbor's yards, and poking her nose down the storm drain about 50 times, Oopsie is covered in grass bits, mud, and dirty water. That can only mean one thing: IT'S BATH TIME! She doesn't really like sitting in her Tupperware container without being able to explore, but the walls of the bowl come up just high enough for her attempts at escape to be deemed futile. She does quite frequently find a way to hook both of her front "arms" over the lip of the container and try to swing her hind legs up in that direction as well. Most often, this attempt ends in an upside-down Oopsie wriggling and squirming in an attempt to right herself. That part can be scary, because if i'm not watching her then she can actually drown (even though there's only an inch of water in the bowl).

After she has had a chance to dry off, I place her back in her bin...where she promptly falls asleep. When she sleeps, she sprawls like Jessie: her hind leg way up by her head, a front arm over her face, the other two legs off in wonky directions. On several occasions, i have caught Oopsie walking in her sleep. She walks into a wall of her bin and keeps on trying to walk eventually digging herself a hole in the alfalfa pellets and sand. 

When she wakes up, she lets me know by scratching on the bin yet again. This time, i give her food. She absolutely LOVES zucchini and yellow squash. They are by far her most favorite vegetables. She likes lettuce alright, but she's not too fond of mustard or collard greens. Every once in a while, we will play tug-o-war with a peeled whole carrot...she has actually come up with a strategy: she bites into it really hard, and sucks her head in as far as it will go...there is no way i will ever get that carrot. P.S. she needs vitamins: Calcium on Monday and Friday, and a multivitamin supplement on Wednesday...not that you needed to know that, i just think that it's an interesting tidbit. 

After she's got food, she's pretty much set for the rest of the day, and doesn't need any more attention from me (especially since her grudge-holding means that she ignores me unless i'm feeding her). Her light gets flicked off when I go to sleep, and then the whole thing starts over in the morning. 

On a very random tangent or two:

1) The bread board/ spanking paddle is complete. i know this will be exciting news to some of you, terrifying to others, and it won't make sense to the rest of you. 

2) My dad's job offer is in the mail, so we are pretty much most definitely moving to North Dakota...if anyone is willing to come and help me pack boxes... ;) I'll buy you a plane ticket! =D

****Quote of the Day****

 "I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to use the word 'fortnight'."

--Demitri Martin--

~~Words of the Day~~

haptic

\HAP-tick\

1) adj. relating to, or based on the sense of touch

2) adj. characterized by a predilection for the sense of touch

risible

\RIZ-uh-bull\

1) adj. causing or capable of causing laughter; laughable; comical

2) adj. having the ability to, or disposition to laugh

3) adj. of or relating to laughter or used in laughing (e.g. 'risible muscles')

Note: The original words of the day were supremely boring, so i took the liberty of finding my own.